Frenchmen! This is a rehearsal. Hold those policemen. A famous film actor will presently come running out of this house. He is an arch-criminal but he must escape. You are asked to prevent them from grabbing him. This is part of the plot. French crowd! I want you to make a free passage for him from door to car. Remove its driver! Start the motor! Hold those policemen, knock them down, sit on them—we pay them for it. This is a German company, so excuse my French. Les preneurs de vues, my technicians and armed advisers are already among you. Attention! I want a clean getaway. That is all. Thank you. I’m coming out now.

Vladimir Nabokov, Despair

today. had a bit of trouble realizing that i had to read three things for three classes that we had quizzes in, all for today. So I stayed up last night [stayed up=slept for 4 hours] reading for history, where it turned out that we wouldn’t be graded today. got a fairly decent grade in pos. got an F in ph. [didn’t realize that that part of the essay would be ‘important’...]

blah. so now i just want to get home and crash. but even when i get home i’ll have to wait till like 9 to sleep. by then i’ll be awake as day and I might as well stay up again.

So I just got home after a night of classes and merrymaking with the bunch. I take a shower and plan to sleep right afterwards. I’m just rinsing off when I feel a sting on my back. I look over my shoulder and what do I see but a FUCKING COCKROACH MUNCHING ON MY GODDAMN SHOULDER. I run out of the shower (the shower head is still running at high pressure) alternately trying to swat the thing off and trying not to squish him on my shoulder. After a while of funny-dancing, I retrieve my glasses from the shower to survey the damage.

Shower head still spewing water into the bathroom; life intact; COCKROACH STILL ON GODDAMN SHOULDER. I grab my towel and start whipping at the roach in full zest. Whip glasses off accidentally. Another segment of funny-dancing over, and I pick up my glasses half-afraid, but it’s okay. Roach on its back on the floor. I rulez.

So here I am after twenty-plus scourings. I also doused my shoulder with alcohol (also doused roach with alcohol, just for good measure/revenge). I am too excitable to sleep, 730 class notwithstanding. I know what the hell kind of nightmares I’ll be having tonight.

In the other room, trying to “relax.”

i thought i could use a break. i feel like it’s just made everything worse. escapist thoughts are filling my mind. and i don’t even know what there is to be angsty about.

i accidentally erased an entire post about this yesterday. or was it the day before. what the hell is wrong with me.

(“this is all i look forward to, this is all that there is. and i’m fine with that.” how i envy you. there you are, you could be anything, but you won’t. here i am, trying to be everything, but i am nothing.)

x

I just want to make sure i still exist. that i’m still me. but i’m so fucking disappointed whenever i see myself that i just wished i were someone else. i’m not me. angst angst.

At dalawang oras bago ako makauwi. Went by National, bought notebook filler and pad paper for next sem, and bought books as well. Damn Vintage, selling two books [Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment and Highsmith’s Ripley’s Game] for the price of one [Php324]! Also, bought Gaarder’s Sophie’s World [Php315] because everyone else in the entire universe has read it.

Liberation [libro-ation XD] is in the air! I plan to finish about 20 books this sem break. :|

RSS / Atom

× blogs

× reads

× comics

× etc

× school

× ring

This thing looks fine on Opera and Internet Explorer.

Published with Textpattern 4.0.4.